


CWJBHN (Can We Just Be Happy Now)

by Arok88



Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27925762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arok88/pseuds/Arok88
Summary: Even if it doesn't work outEven if it doesn't make senseAnd you never see me againCan we just be happy nowEven if we burn this downEven if we can't be friends'Cause you hate me in the endCan we just be happy now
Relationships: Nick Carter/Kevin Richardson
Kudos: 6





	CWJBHN (Can We Just Be Happy Now)

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic based on the song CWJBHN by Jake Scott
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zz8lKer83Ac

You said your favorite kinda weather is a rainy day  
And it's rainin' in LA

Somehow, something Nick had done had pissed off the man upstairs. No, not a neighbor or the man on the moon. The cosmic being responsible for balance and order in the universe. At least that’s the only thing that really made sense to Nick. If not, why would he be forced to endure this groundhog day like torture over and over again, each and every day since he’d shown up here. Nick tried to be a good person. He was nice to everyone, tried to be trusting even though he’d been burned so many times it would be much safer for his heart and even his bank account if he could learn to reel that in a little bit. He was charitable to a fault and was always the first one to come when someone needed help. He supposed that’s part of how he ended up in this situation. He needed to be less helpful and he needed to lock his goddamn doors. 

It wouldn't have really helped anything he mused, they all had keys. It was a bit surprising that less than a month after handing out keys to his new home in LA that the keys were already being used. Keeping them out was asking the tide not to rise. If they wanted in, they would have been able to get in. And apparently he did. Nick just wasn’t sure what to do now that he was here. All the time. Day and night. Sitting there in the damn living room. Sometimes in his boxers, sometimes Nick feared, those wouldn’t even be present. That was something Nick knew without a doubt he would be able to deal with. Somehow in his heartache or whatever this was he was going through, he’d lost all sense of basic hygiene. If Nick didn’t remind him to shower then he didn’t. If he spilt something on himself, he took off the piece of clothing, tossing it to the floor and leaving it for Nick to pick up. He left trash lying around, barely moved from the couch if he could help it and spent all of his time moping, sleeping or staring off into space. Nick was starting to get freaked out. He’d never been the one solely responsible for keeping another human alive, moving forward. Hell he was so used to being the baby and being taken care of, especially by the man currently camped out in his living room, that Nick wasn’t even sure what to do next. 

There was an added complication here. The one that had been festering since he turned 21 and realized that the man who used to mother/father/brother/best friend him was no longer like a parent to him, in any type of capacity, but the sexiest creature he’d ever laid eyes on. This little nugget of information had been complicating his life for the past...who the hell even knew anymore how long it had been going on. Nick didn’t like to think about it. It made his head hurt and made him feel like a fool. Two things Nick didn’t much enjoy. But what was he to do? Every man he tried to date or even just sleep with someone else for that matter they never seemed to measured up in his mind. He compared everyone to him. He always anticipated what he would have said if he’d met any of Nick’s potential suitors. Nick allowed the figmented conversations he had in his mind to help mold and shape any new interest and more times than not they agreed that the man in question was not good enough and so Nick would break the date or stand them up. All kinds of miserable things to only add to his own misery of being alone, of being completely in love with someone who would never love him back. Someone straight, someone on the other side of the country that he hardly even saw anymore.

But then suddenly he was there, walking in the back door like he owned the place, at least owned a key. Dropping his bags in the foyer and taking up residence on Nick’s couch and not moving or speaking for several days. Nick watched it all happen around him, very confused but still too scared to press, to ask why he was there. Why had he chosen Nick to hole up with? Why wasn’t he at home? Why wasn't he with her? No matter how many phone calls he made, no one could give him any indication of what was going on with their oldest bandmate. So Nick waited. He cleaned up after him, cooked him meals and left him to sulk, praying that as soon as he was ready to talk that maybe he would let Nick help him. 

He’d been here a week. A week they’d barely mumbled two words to each other. Nick came and went, doing the things he needed to accomplish. He made sure the fridge was stocked with things he knew he’d eat and left him to his own devices for breakfast and lunch. He cooked dinner for both of them and always took a plate in and put it on the coffee table for the older man. Surveying his current state and cleaning up whatever mess that had currently been made. Nick didn’t eat with him, instead opting to eat in the dining room. He didn’t want to crowd him at first and then by the third or fourth day, he hoped the distance would prompt the man to get his ass off the couch and walk into the room and actually join him for a meal. Apparently that simple act of human activity was too much to ask for. Nick would come back through as he locked the doors and set the alarm and pick up the dinner dishes. He’d load the dishwasher and clean up any mess made and then retire upstairs, leaving him sitting down there in his own filth. Nick wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing, but there also hadn’t been a manual on how to deal with a situation like this and every time he called someone for help they just brushed him off. So fuck all of them. Nick was doing the best he could. 

Nick woke up on the 14th day exhausted, frustrated and ready to make a change. The floodgates had opened up outside and the day was bathed in fresh rain. Getting up from the bed, Nick padded to the bedroom window. The rain fell down in buckets it seemed, washing away the dirt and grime of the world. An idea crept up in Nick’s mind. Maybe getting him out of the house would do some good. Maybe they could make some progress. Nick knew there was no way he was going to wake up on day 15 to this same madness. Groundhogs day ended today. 

He walked down the stairs and jumped slightly when a crack of thunder erupted and lightning struck somewhere in the distance, lighting up the downstairs in the pale blue light. Nick rounded the corner and found the man curled up on one end of the couch. Taking a deep breath he reached out and shook the older man.

“Get up Kevin.”

Kevin blinked a couple of times before finally focusing in on Nick’s face. He sat up and looked around the quiet room. 

“I want you to go take a shower, get cleaned up. I know your favorite kind of weather is a rainy day. Let’s get out of the house. Let’s take a drive. I wanna take you to my favorite place and it’s not too far away.” Nick watched the older man for a reaction. Kevin blinked a couple more times and then nodded. Nick nodded back and turned on his heel to go take his own shower. 

You said, "Lets drive, I wanna take you to my favorite place  
And it's not that far away"

They met back downstairs forty-five minutes later. Nick was freshly showered and dressed in cargo shorts and a black wife beater. He hadn’t even messed with styling his hair, just brushed and ran his fingers through it a couple of times. It never laid right anyway when it rained. Kevin looked semi human. He’d managed to pull on jeans and a UK t-shirt. It was progress. Nick grabbed a tote bag from the closet and took it into the kitchen to pack a quick lunch. Making sure he had plenty of water and snacks he led Kevin out to the garage. The older man still didn’t speak, just shuffled along beside Nick, going through any motions that were asked of him. Once settled in the car, Nick took a second to sneak a quick glance at the other man. It wasn’t lost on him that this was the closest physically they’d been to each other in the entire two weeks. The thought alone caused goosebumps to form on his skin. Hell he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so close to him. He’d perfected the art of trying to be friendly without being close. Nick went to reach for his water bottle at the same time Kevin did and as their hands brushed together Nick felt a bolt of electricity surge through his fingers and land in his groin. Maybe this hadn’t been the best idea. He pulled his hand back suddenly and noticed out of the corner of his eye that Kevin had done the same. The older man was staring at him, an odd expression on his face. Nick ignored it and opened the garage door. He focused on backing out carefully and pushed all thoughts of their touch away as he pulled out onto the road. 

They drove in silence for what felt like one hundred miles to Nick, but in reality had only been like twenty. They pulled into a tiny parking lot of a secluded, private beach. The rain was still coming down in heavy streaks, but according to the weather app Nick had checked before he left it was due to clear up any time and then sprinkle for most of the afternoon. Sprinkles they could deal with. He rummaged around in the backseat until he could feel the tote bag. Grabbing it and bringing it back to the front with him he dug around until he located their sandwiches and chips. Handing one of each to Kevin he settled back in his seat to eat his lunch. Still more silence as both men proceeded to work their way through the food. Once he was finished Nick bawled up the wrappers and threw them back in the tote bag. He wasn’t sure what to do next. The rain was easing and they would probably be able to leave the car relatively soon, but he needed to get Kevin to talk first. This silence was deafening and he was tired of it. 

“Are you ready to talk yet?” Nick asked, breaking the horrible quiet. 

Kevin stared at the window for several moments, as if he hadn’t even registered that Nick had spoken. Nick wasn’t sure what to do now. If he asked again he ran the risk of pissing off the other man and then maybe he wouldn't ever be able to get him to talk. Taking a deep breath he reached out a hand and placed it on Kevin’s forearm. His skin was hot, shockingly hot to Nick’s touch and he wondered briefly if the other man was feverish. Kevin turned and looked at him. It was the first time Nick had gotten a really good look into his eyes since he’d arrived. Kevin looked...lost. 

“She left me. We filed for divorce.” the older man said before turning to look back out the window. 

Nick removed his hand quickly needing it back close to his own body as he tried to process this information. While he had figured they’d had some kind of horrible fight, she hadn’t called the entire time Kevin had been holed up on the couch, he hadn’t expected this. “I’m so sorry Kevin.”

Kevin nodded. “It’s for the best. I’m okay with it.”

Nick snorted causing Kevin to turn and look at him. “No offense Kev, but you’d basically lived like the dead for the past two weeks. I don't think you’re as okay with it as you think you are.”

Kevin didn’t meet his gaze. He looked down at the floorboard, played with his fingers anything to keep from looking at Nick. Nick felt bad for being so bold, but how could the man sit there and say he was okay with this? 

“That’s not why.”

“What’s not why?” Nick asked, completely confused now. 

Kevin huffed, annoyed. “The divorce is not why I’ve been struggling.”

Nick just looked at him. “Okay, well then what else is going on?”

More silence. From now on, Nick was going to wear headphones everywhere he went that blared loud music. He couldn’t handle the damn quiet anymore. 

“Have you ever wanted something so much? So much that you fantasize about it. Imagine it at every turn? Something that you shouldn’t want because it’s wrong, because you’re wrong. Because it could mean the end of everything, but also the beginning? But none of it matters, nothing matters without it?” Kevin asked as he turned to look at Nick again. 

“Everyday.” Nick answered honestly, somehow surprised he was able to follow Kevin's insane rambling. 

Kevin looked at him curiously, tilting his head to the side. The older man's green eyes seemed to shine in the dreary outdoors. The stare caused a stirring deep within Nick. He felt the air in the car shift. He wasn't sure Kevin had ever looked at him that hard, that completely before. Sure Kevin looked at him, it was hard not to when they lived out of each other's pockets on the road but Nick for the life of him couldn't remember a time when Kevin's gaze was locked and focused completely on him. Nick shifted uncomfortably in the seat, trying to hide his increasing problem. “Tell me about it.”

Nick laughed out loud, his voice high and breathy from being caught completely off guard. “No. I’m not going to do that.”

“Why not?” Kevin countered. 

“Because, it’s my fantasy, it's the thing I dream about and it’s private. Not to mention we’re talking about you and why you haven’t moved in two weeks. I can't believe it's not your divorce so explain it to me“

Kevin furrowed his brow, scrunching his face in the most adorable expression Nick had ever seen. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Kevin’s face that pensive before. He had to try hard not to laugh. Somehow he knew that laughter would break whatever spell was settling down around them. Nick didn’t want it to end. Didn’t want to go back to the silence. 

"None of this has anything to do with her. It has to do with me. What I want and what I need. What I'm tired of living without and being denied. She cheated on me. I found her in our bed with someone else. I was heartbroken. But as I sat in the guest cottage in Kentucky, all I could think about was I was tired of living this way. I was tired of longing, wishing. It gets to be too much. I have no idea when I stopped loving her that way. I guess it happened so gradually I didn't even notice. It still hurts like hell to know I was completely and totally faithful to her and instead of telling me she was unhappy she could pull a stunt like this."

"God Kevin, that sounds awful. I'm so sorry." Nick said, trying to be sympathetic to his plight. 

"I want to know what you fantasize about." Kevin said, his green eyes now boating into Nick's blue ones. 

The change of subject threw Nick off. How quickly they could go from one topic to the next. Still making no real progress in whatever it was that incapacitated the other man for two solid weeks. The staring wasn't helping matters either. Nick could barely breathe let alone focus. Kevin was way too close, all he had to do was reach right out and he could touch the older man. The thought was not a safe one to have when they were locked inside this car. 

"No." Nick responded, his resolve slipping. Maybe it would be easier to just clear the air, get it all out in the open and then move past it. Maybe it would be therapeutic for both of them. It was time Kevin started answering questions instead of asking more. He unbuckled his seat belt and pushed the seat back. Shifting so he could turn and face the older man he settled his back against the car door. 

"Why did you come to my house? Why not one of the other guys. You and I haven't talked much since the break." The break had started at the beginning of the year. Well technically it started at Christmas when they'd all flown home. It didn't become an official break until January when no one wanted to commit to going back to the studio. A small break had morphed into an indefinite hiatus. Nick had been growing concerned as the months ticked by that the indefinite part would become definite but he wasn't ready to say that out loud. 

"I've told you why." 

Nick shook his head slightly, was he insane? Why was he being so cryptic with his responses. "No, you've not told me much of anything Kevin. It's been two weeks and you've barely spoken. I was starting to grow concerned you'd gone mute." 

Kevin huffed again, his frustration was visibly growing. "Why won't you tell me?" 

"Tell you what?" Nick asked exasperated. 

"Tell me about the thing you fantasize about." 

Nick stared at him like he'd grown two heads. Were they seriously doing this right now? This is what he wanted to talk about? Why wouldn't he let it go? Nick could feel his blood pressure rise and knew his cheeks were flushing. "Why is this so important to you?" 

"Because you are important to me." 

Nick wasn't sure if he should yell or slap the man. Why did he have to say things like this? They were never intended the way they came across but they still didn't stop Nick's heart from leaping every time he heard something like it. 

"I don't know what you want from me." Nick said, throwing up his hands. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the glass of the driver's seat. 

"I want everything." 

Whatever air that was left in the car was now gone. Nick felt unable to breath air into his lungs. He slowly opened his eyes and stared at the other man, his mouth gaping as he tried to understand what was happening, what he was actually saying. 

I know you're afraid of jumping in too fast  
Because your heart is still healing  
It'd be a shame to waste the chemistry we have  
So let's stay in the feeling, and

“Kevin, you can’t go around saying shit like that man.” Nick said the frustration came out as anger as he dropped his head in his hands. He could feel Kevin shifting in his seat, could feel when he moved closer. 

“Why not Nicky,” Kevin whispered. 

Nick breathed in a shaky breath, could feel Kevin closer than he’d ever been before. He kept his head down, knowing he wouldn’t be able to control himself if he looked up. Why was this happening, what the fuck was going on? A million questions swirled around Nick’s mind and the lack of oxygen was making him dizzy. He pushed himself back against the car door trying desperately to put distance between them, giving himself space to breath. All he wanted to do was sit up, push Kevin back against the car seat and climb on top of him, showing him in all the ways they would always be perfect for each other. Instead, he continued to try to focus, to keep his wits about him. The pressure in his pants was becoming painful and he knew if something didn’t change soon he would no longer be able to control himself. 

“Because you’re not going to like the consequences.” Nick said finally looking up, his blue eyes lit up with emotion and desire. 

Kevin continued to stare at him, leaning halfway over the middle console, invading Nick’s space. His eyes lit up and he licked his lips, his pink tongue darting out and moistening them quickly. Nick had to keep himself from groaning out loud, wanting nothing more than to reach up and capture that tongue in his mouth. His cock throbbed, his heart felt like it was dangling on a string. One wrong move from Kevin and the floodgates would open and then what? They would destroy everything they’d spent years building. Or more so, Nick would destroy it all. It was poetic really, everyone always assumed the demise of their band would ultimately be his fault. 

Kevin’s eyes jumped from Nick’s eyes, to his mouth and back again. Nick watched, transfixed as the older man shifted even closer. Nick was sure you could hear the crackling of electricity running between them. Kevin was gorgeous, so fucking sexy that Nick couldn’t concentrate. He’d never had the opportunity to look at the other man like this, so close, so intimate. He never wanted this moment to end. Kevin’s eyes were so clear, so beautifully green that Nick felt like he was staring into Kevin’s soul. His favorite color had always been green and he momentarily wondered if it unconsciously started because of how beautifully green these eyes were. He felt his heart quicken as Kevin seemed to move even closer to him. He felt the movement all over his body, especially in his groin, even though Kevin was still far enough away that they weren’t actually touching. He hated that his damn hormones were getting in the way. 

“Says who?” Kevin said softly, his voice had dropped low and his accent was coming out thicker than normal. 

Nick’s mouth dropped open slightly, as he gazed up at the other man.

“Kevin, you seriously need to stop fucking with me. This isn’t funny.” Nick said, his voice strangled. 

“Who says I’m fucking around. I’m trying to fucking talk to you” Kevin slouched back on his side of the car and dropped his hands in his lap. 

Nick kicked himself mentally. He hated Kevin’s retreat, but he was glad he had the space to breathe clearly once again. Taking a much needed deep breath he tried speaking again. “But you’re not. You’re still not saying much of anything. You are talking in riddles and getting me all confused. I have no idea what’s going on here.”

Even if it doesn't work out  
Even if it doesn't make sense  
And you never see me again  
Can we just be happy now?  
Even if we burn this down  
Even if we can't be friends  
'Cause you hate me in the end  
Can we just be happy now?

Nick didn’t even have a chance to react before he felt Kevin’s lips against his own. They were soft and salty from the chips Kevin ate for lunch. They brushed against his softly at first, a small contented sigh escaping Kevin’s lips. Nick sat stony, in shock and unprepared for several moments, lost in the feeling of their lips pressed against each other. He opened his mouth to pull away and question the other man, but Kevin was too quick. He used the momentarily opening of Nick’s mouth to take advantage of the situation, thrusting his tongue inside, tasting and licking every inch. Nick only waited a moment, mind made up before he pushed forward, wrapping his arms completely around the other man and losing himself in the kiss. His eyes slid shut as he allowed himself to be carried away, to lose himself in his fantasy, in the feeling of the man he’d always wanted, wanting him too. At least for the moment. 

It was everything he wanted, dreamed of. He moved his tongue in sync with Kevin’s loving, caressing. He moaned, unable to control himself and felt the other man smile against his mouth. He tried not to groan out in frustration as Kevin pulled away. Both needed air, were panting and trying desperately to breathe, but Nick missed the connection as soon as it left. He blinked his eyes open, pleased to see Kevin’s chest heaving as he struggled to bring in air as well. At least he wasn’t the only one affected by their kisses. 

“What was that?” Nick managed to choke out, terrified by the answer, but unable to continue anything else until he’d asked it. 

Kevin looked at him quickly and then focused his attention outside on the rain. “Can we just be happy now?”

Nick looked at him confused. “What are you talking about Kevin? Happy? Are you happy you just kissed me? You can’t keep doing this to me. This speaking but not saying anything and you damn sure can’t go around kissing me without explaining yourself. I can't take it anymore."

Kevin still continued to watch the rain, oblivious to Nick's panicked state. It was almost like he hadn't just been practically in Nick's lap kissing him. Nick tried to calm his breathing so he didn't erupt, but everything was coming to a head and Nick felt like he was spiraling out of control. He could still feel Kevin's lips against his own and he was staining so hard in his pants he was sure that one touch from the other man and he'd cum, right there in his shorts. He felt like every nerve ending was in fire and here this man was, staring out the window like this was any other ordinary day. He wanted to punch him. Hell he wanted to fuck him senseless too but at that moment he would have taken any kind of contact at all. 

"Do you know how long I've wanted you?" the words tumbled out of the older man's mouth, quietly almost a whisper. 

Nick held his breath. All this trouble breathing was not good for his lungs, he was sure of it. 

"I don't even know anymore. At first you were too young and then came Kristin and so many other things. Then of course I was so convinced for the longest time that you were straight, the parade of girls coming and going from your room at all hours of the night only fueled those ideas. So I just resigned myself to the fact that I would never have the chance to touch you, taste you. Then about six months ago, right around Christmas time, Brian let it slip. Thought I knew, can you believe it. I sure couldn't. Right there in the middle of the family Christmas, let it slip out that you, dear sweet Nicky, were gay. It felt like my world had been ripped right open. Everything that had been impossible for the longest time, suddenly had at least a chance. Everything I had longed for, wanted, could potentially be within my grasp. He felt awful of course was going to tell you he slipped, but I convinced him the secret would go to my grave and there was no use upsetting you. "

The words just seemed to fall from those perfect lips, saying everything Nick had always longed so badly to hear. He felt like he had to be dreaming. He pinched himself to be sure. Nope, fuck that hurt. This was real.

Kevin continued, eyes still trained on the rain. It seemed to be lessening. It would be almost acceptable to get out and walk around the beach soon. Nick never wanted to leave the car. 

"I spent three months convincing myself that even if you were gay, there was no possible way you could ever want someone like me. We're so different, in so many ways that the idea of you even giving me a second glance seemed ludicrous. Then I talked to Howie a couple of months ago. Good 'ol Howie. He was a true wealth of information. He told me all kinds of things about you, about how he always suspected you felt about me and there it was another tear in this picture perfect life I had built that I despised. Suddenly I had a choice to make. I spent so much time holed up in my study, thinking, over thinking, worrying. You know how I am. "

Nick nodded with a small smile. As much as he loved being on this verbal journey with the other man, loved hearing him speak, his accent so thick as he retold his tale. Nick tried not to show his fear, his apprehension of where this story would end. 

"I thought about a lot of things. We weren't working. I had a lot of time to think and drive myself crazy. What could this do to our careers? What if this didn't work out? Would we destroy our friendship? Each other? I debated and agonized. Somehow along the way I forgot I was married, that there was a whole other side to all of this. Of course that part doesn't matter any longer. I spent so much time freaking out about the possibility of us that I completely blocked Kristin out of my life. I hurt her, so she got back at me by cheating and hurt me right back. We spent so much time fighting and then I told her I couldn't do it anymore. We signed the divorce papers a month ago. I spent the two weeks before I came here sitting around the house, now that she was gone I could venture out of the study to have my thinking sessions. Finally, I came to a conclusion and packed my bags. When I arrived at your door, I wasn’t even completely convinced what to do. The drive and the distance from the house made me falter in my resolve and seeing your beautiful face scared me shitless. What if I screwed this all up? What if Howie was wrong and you really didn’t feel this way about me? What if I lost the ability to look at those gorgeous eyes of yours forever. All these thoughts shell shocked me the moment I stepped foot in your kitchen. I’d had this whole speech prepared and it was gone. I sat on your couch and completely shut down, scared of my feelings, our future, you turning me down, all of it. I spent those two weeks trying desperately to decide what to do next."

"What did you decide?" Nick asked softly. 

“I decided that it doesn’t matter if this works out or not. It doesn’t matter if the guys or our families accept us or if it makes sense to other people. It doesn’t matter to me if we blow everything completely up, never see each other again or destroy our friendship. Even if this doesn’t work and you end up hating me, at least we will have had this time together. We will have stopped living in fear, finally got everything we wanted and possibly everything we will ever need. I decided it’s better to be happy now, in his moment with you then give it all up, go on without you trying to preserve something that’s good, but not what we want. I value your friendship. You are one of the most important people in the world to me, but I cannot go on living my life with you as just my friend, my brother. I have to jump in, I have to give this a chance, give us a chance. So I’m asking you again, can we just be happy now?”

My heart is beggin' not to let my head get in the way  
And I think you feel the same  
Scared I might be falling for you way too fast  
Because my heart is still healing  
But how can I say no when you've been  
Lookin' at me like that  
So let's not overthink it, and

Nick felt his heart hammering in his chest. He jolted slightly as he felt Kevin reach out and take his hand, lacing their fingers together. These words, the things he’d said. On one hand they were everything Nick had ever wanted, dreamed of and hoped for. Here was the man that he’d spend so many nights crying over, longing for. And he was asking Nick for a chance, a chance together. On the other hand this sounded so completely unlike Kevin, unlike anything he’d ever said and done, that Nick was hesitant to believe him. What if he woke up tomorrow and regretted all of this. What if he, after one night together, wanted everything to go back to normal. Nick knew in his heart he’d never be okay with that. Once he’d had a taste of the older man there would be no going back for him. 

He was now the one overthinking. He’d laugh about their complete role reversal, Kevin being spontaneous and Nick being the worry wart, but he was sure it would break the moment. He’d been in love with this man for so long, he knew it wouldn’t take much and he would be completely at his mercy. Kevin continued to look at him, really look at him. Nick could feel his eyes looking at every part of him, almost like he was memorizing how Nick looked at that very moment. Nick never wanted him to stop. Deciding it was time to shut down his mind, he pushed forward. Crawling over the console until he got close enough to the other man. Kevin watched him growing near and pushed his seat back with the floorboard lever, giving Nick ample room. Nick gripped the handle of the passenger side door and used it to pull himself forward until he was nestled squarely on Kevin’s lap. Wrapping his arms around the other man’s neck he shifted his butt until he found a comfortable position. In doing so he brushed against Kevin’s tight jeans, the bulge unmistakable. Kevin groaned and his eyes fluttered shut as Nick shifted again. Kevin brought his hands up, resting them comfortably on Nick’s hips, holding him still before he arched his hips up again, grinding his painful erection directly into Nick’s ass. Nick smiled and shifted his hips again, loving the reactions he was getting from the older man. The moans were like music to his ears and he could feel his own painful erection pulsing in his shorts. Leaning forward he brought his mouth down on Kevin's. 

“Yes.” Nick said breathlessly as he pulled away from Kevin’s mouth. Several moments of heavy kissing demanded oxygen for both men and Nick regretfully broke the contact, 

“Yes what?” Kevin asked, the hopeful look in Kevin’s eyes not going unnoticed by the blonde 

“Yes, we can be happy now. That’s all I’ve ever wanted Kev. I just want to be happy with you. All the other bullshit, I know we’re strong enough to handle together. I love you, I want you. I want to be happy now.:” Nick said as he buried his head in Kevin’s neck. 

Kevin’s arms came around him. One arm wrapping tightly around his waist while the other hand gripped him by the back of the neck. Kevin held Nick tightly against his body, squeezing him, loving him. Nick tried to pull back to say something but Kevin continued to hold him. “I love you too baby, so much. I’m sorry it’s taken this long for us to get here, together.”

Nick placed little kisses against the side of Kevin’s neck, gently kissing and sucking the sweet skin. He never wanted to move. He could die in this very position and be the happiest man in the world. The feel of Kevin holding their bodies so close together, the possessive way he held Nick to him was making him delirious with need. Shifting again he bit down on the flesh of Kevin’s collar bone. This time Kevin didn’t hold back bucking his hips up. Nick felt it coming and ground his ass down at the same time Kevin shifted up, creating a delicious friction. Nick wanted, no needed, more. He pulled back and placed several kisses on Kevin’s cheek and then his jawline before capturing his lips in another searing kiss. “Need more, need you.” Nick whimpered as he continued dropping kisses. 

Kevin nodded. “These pants need to come off. Hop up baby. I have an idea.” 

Nick shifted his weight back to his seat and quickly rid himself of his shorts and underwear. He watched enthralled as Kevin unbuckled his pants and slid them and his boxers to the floorboard of the car. Nick needed his release so badly he was aching. He took his cock in his hand and stroked it a few times as he watched the other man undress. He moaned out, startling Kevin’s attention. He watched in fascination as Kevin’s eyes settled in on what Nick was doing. He watched the green eyes he loved so much grow darker with lust as Kevin watched Nick’s hand move up and down his cock. It was Kevin’s turn to groan out. “What are you doing to me baby?” he rasped, eyes never leaving Nick’s cock.

The desire was etched on his perfect features and it caused Nick’s cock to twitch, leaking precum as Nick squirmed under Kevin's intense gaze. He brought his hand up his shaft, circling the head and collecting the cum as he went before using it to stroke himself several more times. Kevin watched it all, licking his lips as his eyes never left Nick’s cock. Nick felt himself smile, with Kevin focused on his own actions he could admire the older man without embarrassing himself. He watched the way Kevin’s cock twitched every time he stroked himself, up and down. Kevin was so hard Nick knew it must be torturous what he was doing, he couldn’t help himself. He wanted this man so badly it ached. 

“Do you have any lube?” Kevin asked, his eyes finally breaking away from Nick’s lap. 

Nick thought for a moment before leaning forward to open the glove compartment. His actions brought his face incredibly close to Kevin’s lap. Not letting this moment pass him by, he shifted a little more and let go of his cock. He turned upwards to wink at the other man before lowering his mouth straight down on Kevin’s erection. The taste was unlike anything Nick could have ever imagined. Nick moaned out as he swirled his tongue up and down, then over the head, tasting everything Kevin had to offer. He could do this all day. He jumped slightly when he felt Kevin’s strong hand reach out and grasp his cock. Nick felt his hips shake as he pushed himself deeper into Kevin’s waiting hand. The simplest touch from the other man made Nick feel like he was falling off the edge of a cliff. He sped up his actions on Kevin’s cock, licking and sucking. Finally he felt like Kevin had properly been wetted, he pulled off and sat back on his heels. Smacking Kevin’s hand away he smiled. “I want the first time we cum for you to be inside me.”

Kevin groaned out and slammed his eyes shut as he leaned back in the car seat. Nick continued on his mission for lube, digging around in the glove compartment and smiling triumphantly when he found a small bottle of lotion. Kevin smiled but it quickly turned into another groan as Nick poured the lotion into his hands and then began rubbing it up and down Kevin's length. Once he was sure Kevin was wet enough he shifted in the seat again. Kevin stopped him before he came closer. 

"Are you going to be okay? Isn't it going to hurt? Shouldn't I do something to stretch you first?"

Nick smiled and laughed softly. "Baby, you've been parked in my living room for two weeks. I've masturbated and fucked myself so many times in the last twelve days it's not even funny. I don't need anything but you baby." 

"Fuck Nicky," Kevin ground out, his eyes glazing over. 

Nick smirked at the reaction and continued his journey to the other side of the car. Kevin shifted in the seat, sliding his lap down further as he leaned back. 

"I love you." Nick whispered as he positioned himself over Kevin's cock and slowly, agonizingly so, lowered himself down until Kevin was completely engulfed inside him. The car was full of grunts and groans as the two men finally moved together after years of wanting, longing for each other. 

Kevin thrust his hips up as Nick bore down on him, filling him, fucking him with every movement. Nick could barely keep his eyes open, the emotions and sensations running through him were too strong he wasn't sure he wouldn't break. He gasped slightly when he felt Kevin wrap his long lean fingers around his cock and began jerking him in time with their thrusts. 

"I'm close baby. I want you to come with me." Kevin said gasping for air. 

Nick gripped the side of the car door, needing something, anything to ground him to this moment. He'd never felt anything so incredible before in his life and knew it was Kevin that made all the difference. Getting the chance to do this, to feel this man around and inside him, was a high he never wanted to come down from. He rode Kevin a little faster, feeling the familiar swirling in his belly and knowing he was close. 

He heard Kevin gasp first and that was all it took for Nick. The next thing he knew they were falling together, Kevin coming deep inside him while he shot his load all over Kevin's hand and stomach. He felt his body give out and he collapsed against the older man, his head coming to rest on Kevin's shoulder. Kevin brought his arms around the younger man, cradling his spent body against him. They laid against each other for several moments, Kevin still buried deep inside. Nick didn't want to move, ever. Never wanted to lose this connection he felt to the other man. He'd never felt more wanted, more satisfied, more in love. He never wanted this to end. 

And all that I know  
Is here in this moment  
Sun is still settin'  
Over the ocean  
And you're still kissin' me, so  
Can we just be happy?  
Here in this light  
The green in your eyes  
Is all that I see  
Right where I wanna be, so  
Can we just be happy now?

A short while later Nick raised his head to see the rain had stopped. He smiled to himself as he looked up and saw Kevin's blissful smile, his eyes closed in a very serene way. He moved off the other man and found his pants and underwear. Kevin shifted as well, pulling up his jeans and boxers. The sun was in the beginnings of its descent for the evening. Nick had another idea. 

"Roll up your pant legs Kev and ditch your shoes. Let's wade out a bit." Nick said, opening the car door. 

Once out in the parking lot Nick did several stretches to get the blood flowing through his joints and muscles. His long frame had made doing all of that in a vehicle particularly difficult, but it was one memory Nick would never forget. Kevin finished regressing and got out of the other side of the car. Nick walked around and grabbed his hand, smiling shyly at the other man. He started to pull Kevin towards the water edge but stumbled as Kevin pulled him backwards. He fell back against the other man and Kevin spun him around to face him. Kevin reached up and took Nick's face with both hands pulling his lips down to him in a soft, sweet kiss. Nick sighed into the kiss, some of the shyness fading, being replaced with a contentedness he hadn't felt before. 

Breaking apart Kevin began leading this time, pulling Nick along. He fell into step beside Kevin as they walked leisurely to the water. The tide was out so they could wade in pretty far before the water was too deep for their clothes. The beach was private and almost always deserted. They could be two regular guys in love here. Two guys just trying to figure this whole thing out. 

They stood together hand and hand as they watched the sun sinking further down the horizon. The rain had cooked off the early evening and standing in the water the breeze was almost chilling. Nick felt himself tremble slightly but was unsure if it came about because of the weather or the man pressed into his side. 

"I meant everything I said." Kevin said softly. 

Nick turned and looked at him. The sun reflected off his handsome features making his green eyes deeper and dance in the sunset light. Nick felt his heart catch. Kevin had never looked more beautiful than he did in this moment. Nick wanted to paint this, sketch the lines of Kevin's face and commit this memory to paper so he would never forget it as long as he lived. 

"I did too." he whispered back. 

Kevin smiled and drew Nick into his arms. He kissed him softly, but it was still enough to make Nick's knees grow weak. They pulled apart and smiled. Nick knew then that nothing would ever break them apart. He wouldn't let it. No matter what happened, the struggles, the risk, nothing else mattered to him but Kevin. Their happiness. It was time for them to be happy. Together. 

Can we, can we, can we be happy now?

**Author's Note:**

> Check out more stories at Wistful Memories!
> 
> https://wistfulmemories.weebly.com


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